I Need Only To Be Still
I don't exactly know why, but I've tried it all.
The last few weeks have been especially difficult in general. Then, in the last few days Carsen became sick, and then I became sick. He's had an even harder time falling asleep (I wasn't sure that was possible) and then staying asleep throughout the night. In fact, for the last three nights, I've gotten very little sleep as my son coughs, rolls, throws up and wakes up to nurse threw out the late to early hours of the morning.
Like my friend Sarah said, "Moms shouldn't be allowed to get sick." It's hard enough when the littles are sick, but throw in a fever, stuffy nose and a killer cough for myself and it's just down right dirty.
All I want to do is take hot baths and all day naps. But instead, I breath out of one nostril with an achy body while my son clings to me and/or wants me to hold him.
I don't say this for sympathy or to complain. I'm setting the scene, and this is my real life right now.
Tonight, as I went back into the room for the second time to help Carsen back to sleep, I began to pray. I prayed for his airways to open up so he could breath and I prayed that if he needed comfort (he LOVES to sleep close) when I left the room that Jesus would be right there.
And y'all, the Lord showed me where He was at! When I put Carsen to sleep we usually stay on one side of the bed. The Lord showed me that He was sitting right on the other side of Carsen, and He told me that when I left he'd take over rubbing my son's back.
The Lord cares about Carsen. He cares about me. He is present with Carsen and me! Even in our dark bedroom, where I can often feel so alone trying to get my kid to bed. He, the Lord, is there and taking over for me when I leave.
And He did. When I left the room and turned on the video monitor it was like I could see Jesus sitting on the bed, rubbing my son's back. Now don't think I'm crazy, it's not like I SAW Him, but I felt His presence so much it was like I could see Him.
As I sat downstairs and enjoyed a couple hours of peace, I was brought to tears. My life isn't THAT BAD. I personally know many people all over the world that have it a lot harder than myself, but the fact that Jesus took the time to let me know He was with me, well I can't describe it.
So for all your mommas out there struggling to know if God is present, ask the Lord where He is, He will show you. He is so faithful like that.