Letter to Carsen: 11 Months

Happy 11 months Bubbas!

One more month and we made it to a year!
The pressure is on :)

Let me be honest, I knew today was the 11th, but I had absolutely NO idea it was Friday. Some weeks I kind of forget the days have names. I sometimes feel like I’m a character out of the movie Groundhogs Day: a bit repetitive with naps, changing diapers, eating, nursing, laughing and playing. And even as difficult as it can be, I wouldn’t change it. You are so worth it.

We celebrated your golden baby birthday with blowing bubbles. You weren't impressed.

You are on a food strike and nurse around the clock. Teeth? Your guess is as good as mine. You still have none. Zero. Zilch. You are my toothless wonder.

You are in this spitting phase. Well it's not really spitting.... But you do it often when you are eating something you don't like... But in the last few days you do it while nursing and think it's really funny. And it is, except food and milk get everywhere. Then it's just gross. We try not to laugh, but sometimes a chuckle slips out and you do it more.

Last night you slept on me. I'm not joking, I woke up around 2:30am knowing that some time earlier in the night you were moving around. When I opened my eyes there you were, your upper half on my belly, mouth open, dead to the world and the bottom half of you on the bed. I laughed so hard to myself and wished I could have snapped a photo.

While I know I’m the only one who will ever remember, it's those images and memories I hold dear. I know you won't ever remember these early months or even years. But for a parent, there is nothing like it.

I write this letter to you on my iPhone as I nurse you back to sleep in the dark for the second time tonight. And I cry [more like weep] tears of happiness. Crying bc I'm reminded of the huge privilege and honor I have of being your mom. Of being your comfort. Your safe place. The one you cry for. The one you want. The one you need. Bubbas it's my honor to be that one for you.

I won’t lie, it isn’t always easy, but damn it sure is worth it.

1. You are no longer afraid of the grass! You crawl ALL OVER the park.
2. You can wave… with four fingers and your thumb curled under.
3. You know when daddy walks in the door. You get so excited and crawl to him like a little race car.
4. You went down a big slide on daddy’s lap for the first time. You loved it!
5. You love our walks to the park.
6. You’re just as loud and crazy as your momma.
7. You’re learning how to throw a ball.
8. You can’t get enough of your Veggie Tales book. You learned how to push the button to play Away In The Manger over and over and over… and over.
9. You’re getting so big you can stand on your tiptoes and rest your chin on top of your Pack n Play.
10. You’re confident standing alone for a little bit at a time, but haven’t tried taking a step on your own yet.
11. You love FaceTime. You smile and laugh every time we call our family and friends back in the states.

Bubbas, thank you for trusting us as your parents.

We love you.