Letter to Carsen: Month 5 | Day 153

Happy 5 month birthday my son!

Carsen boy, I want you to know you are the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I cannot adequately put into words how strong my love for you is. Know this: You are loved. Fiercely. Deeply. By me. Your momma. Forever.And.Always.

You are the most expressive and animated little baby we've ever seen. Wonder where you got that from? ;) You laugh from your belly ALL THE TIME! Everyone loves you and is drawn to you. We have so much favor and are stopped constantly EVERYWHERE because of you. They always want to know how old you are, what your name is and if you are our first. Then they talk to you, and you talk right back and laugh. We were given a bottle of champagne on a Southwest flight because of you. THANK YOU!

You make these super sweet sounds that melt my heart every time. As much as I want you to keep growing so I can continue to watch you become the man God destined you to be, I want to bottle all of you - as a baby - up. You are the most precious thing, and I never want to forget.

I mostly write you these letters so you know what your early months are like, but I also write for myself. So I can remember these special moments when you needed me all the time. When you would cuddle me and smile at me and coo at me. When you would hold my hand the whole night while you slept just because you wanted me near. When you fell asleep on my lap as I nursed you. When your daddy and I could spend hours playing with you and rocking you and singing to you without a care in the world. When we somehow made a tiny one bedroom apartment work for our sweet little family.

These moments, these days… You… I never want to forget the way you throw your chin back when you belly laugh or how your rub your eyes when you are tired. Or how you sleep on your side or flat on your back with your hands above your head. I don't want to forget how your tiny grip would grab hold so tightly or how you would eat your toes. Or how excited you'd get and flail your arms and legs. I never ever want to forget how you wake up in the morning. I open my eyes and there you are all smiles. Then as I kiss your cheeks, forehead, lips and nose you lie there, eyes closed, with the biggest grin on your face as you soak up every last love drop; almost as if you know how incredibly special you are.

You love classical music.
You roll over.
You are a veteran world traveler at five months having traveled 22,553 miles over the American summer.
You had a hard time with jet lag back in Cape Town.
You are definitely built like a boy. Strong.
All of the hair you were born with is gone, except for a small patch on the very bottom of your neck.
Your daddy has started holding you upside down and you think it's the funniest thing ever.
You sit up on your own when in our lap [but fall forward because your core is not strong enough to hold yourself up].
You love playing on your play mat.
You are a pro at tummy time.
You drool constantly [I think you're teething].

We started doing "shock and awe" when you were a tiny baby; but I didn't want to forget to tell you about it. Every so often [and it doesn't' happen a lot because you are the happiest baby I've ever met] you fuss or cry or on occasion freak out cry… and we do the "shock and awe" treatment to you. If we aren't in the car we say "ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhh" as loud and long as possible into your ear. We repeat thing until you calm down, which normally is right away because you are shocked out of crying. If we are in the car, we turn on classical music ridiculously loud. You immediately stop crying, look up at your toys hanging from the handle bar, start laughing and usually fall asleep.

Your daddy and I laugh nearly every time and say, "SHOCK AND AWE BABY!"

It's a proven fact that when babies see their daddy their heart rate goes up because they know they are going to play. Bubbas this is definitely true with your dada. When you see him coming towards you, you start to kick and wiggle and smile with glee. You also laugh the most when playing with your daddy. Sometimes I feel like you give me courtesy laughs because nothing compares to your laugh with daddy. It's a full, genuine, deep belly laugh.

These early days are going by so quickly. Almost too fast. I cannot believe next month will be the half way mark of your first whole year on planet earth. I cannot believe I've been a mom for five months to the greatest baby ever. You bring your momma and daddy so much joy and laughter. Thank you. For being you. Our kid. Our precious baby boy. Our bubbas. Our delight.


 Your epic laugh!