Reminiscing the Early Days of Motherhood

I found this journal entry today... It was written in South Africa when Carsen was 5 weeks and 4 days old. That was Wednesday, June 19, 2013. He's currently 18 weeks and 6 days old.



I'm sitting here, 10:15 p.m. eating carrot cake because I just got Carsen to sleep in his bouncy chair. I'm waiting for Kevin to come home in order to transfer our son from the bouncy chair in the living room to his boppy pillow in our bedroom.

It's the first time I've truly caught my breath today. Most days I go from feeding to feeding in a sort of dazed state. And when I have a moment to myself I do one of three things: sleep, clean or mindlessly look on the Internet because I'm too exhausted to be creative or intelligent. I haven't given myself space to really think… Think about what happened to me in the last month… Last six months… Last year really.

I googled "major life transitions" and a Web site came up with these:
- Moving your residence. [Internationally] CHECK.
- Getting married. CHECK.
- Having your first baby. CHECK.
- Obtaining a new job/Switching careers. Basically CHECK.
- Coping with your best friend moving away. [Or moving away from your oldest best friend]. CHECK.

This last year has been a whirlwind and I haven't taken a moment to catch my breath.

So hear I sit, trying to wrap my head around just the simple insane fact that I had a baby 5 weeks and 4 days ago. My head is spinning.

I don't want these moments to go by without thinking.
I want to think so I can remember.
I want to remember because this season, this journey is so beautiful.
Even midst the hardship, this season is breathtakingly beautiful.

No one can prepare you for how truly hard and amazing being a mommy can be. My biggest goal and my greatest joy would be to raise Carsen to love and obey Jesus with his whole heart. That is a big job to carry out and I need Him to help me do just that.

My friend Rachel wrote this in an email to me: "The longer I am a mom the more I realize how the sacrifices we make for our sweet babies is a constant reminder of the greatest sacrifice made for us." She is pregnant with her 10th kid. No that is not a typo.

Such a good reminder: "The Lord has created you to do this and to be Carsen's mom. He will give you wisdom and trust your instincts."