Praise the One Who Paid My Debt and Raised this Life Up From the Dead

Ephesians 2:1-5, “As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.”

The biggest revelation I've had these last four months of being in Kona, and staffing the Community Transformation DTS is that I WAS SAVED FROM DEATH.

I'm not sure if I've ever fully shared my story on my blog before. So here we go.

My parents put me in gymnastics when I was five. I started competing competitively when I was eight.

I competed in the Jr. Olympics twice before quitting at the age of 16 because of a back injury that never healed correctly.

I was born into a family that didn't think much of religion, church or the Lord. My parents started attending church because they thought, "It might be good to raise our little girl in the church." My mom says she was saved when I was born. My dad says it took him five years to say yes to Jesus. Ask them each about their own stories, they are amazing.

I grew up attending church on Sundays. Even when I had gymnastics practice, I'd go late and stay late because church was at the same time.

For me, this life was normal.
It was right.

In 7th grade I hyper extended my elbow the night before I was to fly to Albuquerque for a gymnastics meet. My arm was placed in a cast and I was out of competitive gymnastics for one full year.

Because of this, I had more free time and became more involved in church activities.

Growing up in the church, and going to Sunday school, I knew all of the stories from Adam and Eve to Noah to Jesus' death and resurrection. I knew Jesus was my Savior, that He died for my sins because He loved me. What I didn't know until the 7th grade Jr. High Jam was that Jesus not only wanted to be our Savior but He wanted to be our Lord.

Mindy [middle] and Sarah [my lifelong best friend] prayed with me when I gave my life to Jesus in 7th grade.

I am still dear friends with both.

The 7th grade Jr. High Jam is an all night event. A speaker speaks for a few minutes and the rest of the night is full of bowling, skating and sugar. The speaker that spoke this night spoke on Lordship. Meaning when we make decisions, if Jesus is Lord we would ask Him what He thought. It made sense to me. If I loved Jesus, then sure He needed to be Lord.

So that night I accepted Jesus as Lord of my life. I prayed with my Jr. High leader and now friend, Mindy, and best friend Sarah. When I was done praying I asked them how I became a martyr. [I just don't do things half way :) ]

 My first missions trip to Louisiana in 8th grade.

[I'm on the far right]

This decision led to me getting more and more involved in church. I started going on mission trips in 8th grade and became apart of small groups and Bible studies. The rest of my Jr. High and High School years surrounded my church and my church friends. It was a great time for me to understand more of who Jesus was.

In 1999, the summer after graduating High School, I spent one month in Kenya with some of my closest friends. We did door to door evangelism and evening services.

Andrew [pictured above] was one of my best friends throughout High School.

These girls were my very best friends through Jr. High, High School and into College.

Through college I continued going on mission trips and continued being 100% invested in my church, small groups and friends. I knew I wanted to be a missionary and to me [at that point] that meant going to the hardest and darkest place for the rest of my life.

Looking back, I was that girl. The one who was so involved with her church that she couldn't see past the four walls. I was prideful, and didn't really care about anyone but myself and my perfect church circle.

The hardest and darkest with my dear friend Carla.

In 2006, I had the opportunity to go to the hardest and darkest place.
I thought, "This is it. I'm only 25 and I'm already living out what the Lord called me to."
And then I got there.
While I loved the people of the country I was living in, it was definitely one of the hardest times of my life. The organization I went with was having a hard time keeping their heads above water and therefore the rest of us struggled. To make a long story very short I was sent home and felt as if my life had fallen apart, and the call God has placed on my life was gone.

It was a very difficult time.

I was told I could not talk to certain people, I could not live at home, and I could not have certain jobs. In the moment, I felt like I had to do everything I was told because I wanted to go back. I wanted "them" - my leadership - to see that I was good enough to make it on the mission field.

But slowly, I realized that these things they were asking of me were a bit controlling and unlike the Jesus from the Bible. And I decided that I needed to break away from the unhealthy relationship that had formed between me and the leadership.

In the mean time my church went through a huge split. It was a nasty split. It was heart breaking. I know that might sound crazy. But for someone who grew up in church, where everything and everyone revolved around this single community/building [healthy or not] it was devastating. Everything I had thought God was, seemed to fall apart and I thought to myself, if this is how Christianity is, I want nothing to do with it.

Now I have a very strong belief system. Meaning while most of my mentors/disciplers were not 100% representing the Lord, it did not turn me off from God completely.

I had to find Jesus on my own.
And that is what I did.
Instead of turning my back on the Lord, I decided to figure out who He was on my own.
I began to really dive into scripture, particularly the New Testament.
I found the Lord to be someone who didn't stay within the four walls of the church like I had, but that He hung out with the "sinners" and challenged the church system.
I felt like I was learning who Jesus was with fresh eyes and a fresh heart.
I could follow this Jesus. The Jesus of the Bible that loved everyone. Who didn't love everyone's sin, and challenged them out of it, but loved them as a person.
That was the Jesus I found, and that was the Jesus I was now going to follow.

Let me be clear.
I am so very grateful for the church that I grew up in.
I learned truth that was real.
I am who I am today, in part because of them.
However, moving forward with my relationship with the Lord required something else.

I didn't go to "church" for a few years after I left. I didn't know if it could be real. I knew Jesus' truth deep within me and I didn't want it to be screwed up by "the church." We all are growing right? Little did I know "the church" was made up of people just like me [sinners] and I'd have to learn how to work with and among Christians again.

A friend invited me to an artist group that met in a home. It was with other Christian artists and we began to talk about what it meant to be artists living in the world as Christians. It was so good for my soul. They were all very real and lived out the Jesus I saw in scriptures.

The artist group met in the Tobias home. This family showed me what it meant to love the Lord and love others well.

They helped me begin believing in "the church" again. They continue to be dear friends.

It was a refreshing and healing time for my heart and soul.

-----

Fast forward to today: where I've had one of my biggest revelations of my life.

I’VE BEEN SAVED FROM DEATH!

My story isn't one where I was saved from drugs, or porn, or self-hatred or depression.
I knew that God saved me.
But I never thought He saved me from death.
I didn't have "that kind of story."
I wasn't that bad.
Prideful much?

But in the last four months God has opened my eyes, to the point where I weep at what God has actually saved me from.

I, just like everyone else, was dead in my sins.
I, just like everyone else, was headed towards death.
I, just like everyone else, was living in my own sin.
Pride, judgment, self-seeking, etc.
I was separated from God.

And through Christ’s death and resurrection I WAS SAVED FROM DEATH!

And I recognize what Jesus did for me.

 I've been married to this guy for six months now, and in January we will move our family and ministry to Cape Town, South Africa. In May, we are expecting our first child!

I can sing this hymn with true conviction and revelation:

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

T'was Grace that taught...
my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares...
we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home.

The Lord has promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures.

When we've been here ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun.

Ephesians 2:1-5, “As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.”