Organic NO More: A Testimonial

Dear World,

I would like to say a few, quick words about the state of Lindsay’s hair [and heart]. While her endeavors for an organic, environmentally friendly existence are admirable, in the end – the ugly, ugly end – it became clear that this endeavor helped no one.

I won’t elaborate too much – as we are all better for having forgotten that painful night – but I will say that the words “dagger,” “in,” “my”, and “chest” might have been muttered. It was a week in to this experiment. Things were getting ugly, people. There was moaning. There was groaning. There was … an odor.

In a world where our little group must cling to our last glimpses of dignity (I, for example, am currently sporting a makeup-less face, baggy clothes, and a bag of ramen in my pocket for some inexplicable reason) I firmly believe that Lindsay deserves at least a little self-respect. As her Track staff, my job is to help her hold firmly to the straggly and mangled remains of that self-respect (Yes, I think it says that somewhere in the contract.) I take my job very seriously.

In summation, we all love Lindsay. But we really love a happy Lindsay. The world is a healthier, more delightful, more sweet-smelling place when Linds has a clean head of shampooed hair. I rest my case.

Annie H.